New Friends and Annoyance

So far, avoiding Tracy was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I gained 1 new great friend and got closer to all of my other friends. They're always there to help me. Perhaps something good came out of the problem after all. It turns out that Shana and I have been too busy with her to realize that a lot of other people have actually been there for us when she left. As for the other friends I've gotten closer to like my beloved Amie and Bashie, they were some of Tracy's friends who got annoyed with her. It seems like we aren't the only ones who've noticed the big changes about her.

Almost half of us are annoyed with her and she doesn't know. I want to tell her off sometimes when she talks to me but she's been my friend and I'm not used to telling her off. After all, she just wants to be best friends with me again. She knows it's not that easy to get me back.

She still thinks we're close. Well, we're not. She follows me everywhere. Gosh, how I hate that. I just want to tell her to piss off. But my nature isn't like that. Why am I cursed with the immense kindness-mask over the evil interior? Whenever she greets me with the pet name she came up with for me, I just smile and greet her back. But it's definitely not because I actually want to smile at her. It's because of my mindset. I mean, I practically smile at everyone and no one actually knows if it's fake or it's not unless I make it look really fake. I've been trained to smile even when the worst things are coming down and to break down only when I need to. I've been trained to smile at everyone who smiles at me, waves at me, greets me, congratulates me, and talks to me. I only become my rude, obnoxious self when I'm with my best friends. Every time she tells me some kind of joke she thinks is funny or uses the my expression and laughs, I just smile at her so that she doesn't see my anger. I try my best everyday not to shout at her because she's just too sweet in an annoying way that I can't tell her off just like that. I hate making people cry... No matter how annoying they are.

She wrote me a letter about how close Shana and I are and how we left her out. She thinks it's the reason why we're not with her now. She still doesn't realize the real reason. It's because of that boy. She thinks it's because of us... Well, EXCUSE ME. No, it's not. She says she doesn't feel brave enough to say sorry to us right now. And she says she hopes we forgive her. And at some point, it's as if she wants us to say sorry to her. Well, we haven't done anything wrong... So, why say sorry?

Well, that's all I have to say for this week about her. I hope she realizes what she's doing.